Stay at Home Mom|The Dark Side

“Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.” – Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Being a stay at home mom seems like it’ll be the easiest job in the world; You’re home all day; with your kid/kids. Not in the physical working world. Probably to those on the outside looking in, or probably to those who’ve never stepped foot in a daycare on a hectic day. Basic adult interaction is pretty much nonexistent; and you may become awkward when you actually get a chance to interact with other adults. You sometimes feel like you’re not doing much with your life, and that you should be contributing more financially; even if you just power cleaned your entire house, just to do it again a day or two later with sweat dancing down your forehead, thinking where’s my pay? Then for your husband to walk in from work, fall into the bed after a long day, and you start to feel envious, like am I deserving of a break or even a 30 minute nap since I didn’t actually work? Mom guilt pretty much tries to consume you. This is the dark side of being a stay at home, and I’m here to share.

Endless guilt

I noticed that almost everyday I feel guilty. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a empath but I’m constantly shaking this nuisance feeling of guilt. I feel like others are judging me because I’m at home with my babies and not outside working. I manage everything so even when I pay bills; and my husband lost a source of income from this pandemic, the lady asked, “Well, where’s your source of income.” I do actually have my own source of income and it’s frustrating that even still, I feel like it’s not enough. And I need to leave home, and go out to actually work. That’s only because of what society has painted. I’m doing enough, more will only cause burn out.

Wanting a job to get a “break”

I personally have this endless need to find a job. I don’t like the idea of feeling like I’m dependent. And prior to having children I’ve always worked two or more jobs at once. Now that I have two children, they are a full time job. At times I start to feel envious that my husband leaves for work, interacts with coworkers and then gets to come home, shower, play with the kids and when he’s tired go to sleep when he’s ready. With this “job” there’s no breaks (not even when you’re sleep), no pay, and no one to talk to about it. Sometimes seeing my friends have jobs and then come home and be with their kids makes me feel depressed; probably because I tell myself well I could do that to, some of my single friends make it look so effortless, and here I am whining about being a full time mom and my husband falling asleep after work. But these emotions are temporary. Because for me I feel so fulfilled when my child does something that I took so much time to teach her, and it amazes people.

I love being a stay at home mom; but these are the feelings that can coincide with it. I constantly want to find a job so I can feel like I’m contributing to the household; but as a stay at home mom, you are contributing, and what you’re doing around the house is enough. Your babies appreciate you, and they love everything that you do. That’s the best payment. I’ve had the experience from both sides and when I was a working mom, I came home from work just to clock in as mommy at home and honestly I prefer giving my children my undivided attention regardless of these annoying feelings that try to attack me. Because working full-time and being a mom can be mentally and physically exhausting.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to be able to be a stay at home mom, especially in this day and age. And if you have the opportunity, patience, and it’s something you really want to do, GO FOR IT. I learned to challenge unwanted feelings/emotions very early in life, so I’d recommend that you do so as well. And, just know these feelings are not friendly, but they’re temporary and they are just that, feelings; they come and go. When my little girl look me right in the face, smile and genuinely tell me. “Mom, I love my life!” That lets me know I’m doing just fine no matter how I feel. Whether you’re a full time mom, working mom, whatever. We’re moms and it’s hard for us all, but we’re in this together. Stay well my friends!

Adoption : The child’s perspective

Growing up:

Being adopted is a traumatic experience; and that’s not a bad thing either. I remember always wondering why couldn’t I just be like my friends or other family members and just born into my family. No matter how much love and compassion my mom would show me, I would just always feel a little bit like outsider. It’s not fair, the way your emotions would attack you this way; something you should be beyond grateful for. I would stand in the mirror and question my emotions; I learned to challenge them very early in life.

A Blue house, sitting on the corner of a cul-de-sac. We pulled up and parked adjacent to this brown duplex across from this home. “Where are we?” I remember thinking. The lady who was wearing really pretty beige pumps turned off the car, then walked over to unbuckle my brother and I out of our seats. We walked across the street, both of us held one of her hands. She knocked on the door, “Good evening, Ida. Could you please keep these children for the night? They where just pulled from a home and need somewhere for just one night.” The lady who’d opened the door, Aida, had really pretty big hair. It was like pin curled on the top and long on the bottom. Her nails were gold, long and shiny. The first thing I noticed was the blue paneling on the left side of the walls behind her. She looked startled; like she was caught off guard a bit, she smiled, and responded “Well, of course. But y’all know I said I wanted one little boy for my nephew to play with!” The lady laughed, “I know, it’s sudden, but it was a emergency’s and it’ll only be for tonight. I’ll come back to get them tomorrow.” “Mommy?” I asked. They both stopped and we made direct eye contact with the lady in the door. She leaned towards me and picked me up and started singing “I love you.” from Barney. This lady is has got to be my mom; I thought to myself. This is my first memory.

The big secret:

I was adopted at the age of two. All throughout elementary school I labeled this as my “secret” that I only shared with select friends. I didn’t want all my classmates to know because I thought they would think I was weird. Little did I know, a lot of them would be fascinated to know that I was. When I got to middle school, I made a few friends in my neighborhood. Of course, I shared this “secret” with them. Not only because they didn’t go to the same school as me; but because I’m not very secretive. And i figured it that it was something that was bound to be known sooner or later. I went to a school called Grantosa that I felt very comfortable and happy at for 5th grade. The school ended up becoming overcrowded and they needed to move some of the students out; unfortunately I was one of those students. I ended up transferring to a nearby private catholic school for 6th grade called Corpus Christi. This made me very depressed because of all the friends I had just made at my previous school. Time to start over again I thought when I found out; but the school was the same school that one of my neighborhood friends attended so that made me feel relieved; but I had shared my “secret” with her and before I came to that school she had already told everyone in our class my “secret”. And indeed, half of the class made fun of me for solely being adopted. One kid even insinuated that I must have been poor because I was adopted; It was then, I realized it’s not something that I should keep a secret, and those kids were just mean and they didn’t understand how lucky I actually was. I had a comfortable/privileged life; that some kids yearn to have; even if they’re with their biological family. And sitting in the cafeteria debating whether; I should ball my eyes out or tell this kid to shut up. I ended up analyzing my life and saying to him, “Yea, I’m adopted and my mom is actually doing very well for herself otherwise I wouldn’t be at this nice school with you.” I said something of that nature. They still laughed because they were just kids being mean; but that was the day I realized this is apart of my story and it’s the best part that makes me who I am today.

Adulthood:

Adoption is beautiful; even if it’s traumatic. I believe I developed a very good detailed memory because of it. I can remember things so vividly as if there’s a video recording playing in my mind. Now that I’m getting older; a lot of my memories are starting to fade like I’m running out of storage space. And honestly; some memories I purposely try to dissolve. Being adopted for me is one of the best aspects of my life, and I’m thrilled to share my experience with anyone who’s willing to listen. I used to try to use this as a excuse of why I’m so depressed; and I had no reason to even be. My mom loves me as if she gave birth to me herself; and now that I have two children of my own I even more grateful for her decision to adopt. It’s amazing how motherhood can help you see things from your moms perspective clearly, and for me I can see from both of theirs. I’m so fortunate to have this experience.

If you’re considering adoption; you’re about to make a great impact on someone’s life. Be very mindful of this child’s feelings and understand that things aren’t going to easy for them no matter how much love you give. Life is hard, but all we can do is make the best of it! Love will conquer!

Let Go; Release what’s holding you back.

I wrote down everything I felt was holding me back and I lit it on fire. Watching it burn and crimble was liberating. I thought instantly I should be relieved. Well, instead I gained clarity.

Release

I wanted to cry, as everything seemed to unravel in my mind. It all makes sense. Why people do what they do, why things happen the way it does. I have no control over that; and it’s not my space to figure it out. It’s my job to to create my reality. Holding on to experiences, replaying them in my mind continuously serves me no purpose. Allowing myself to live in the past; makes me miss the current moment. We have more control over ourselves than we’d like to admit. You can’t expect a things get better if you’re lingering in the past; you’ll become a prisoner of it. And you can’t move forward. Sometimes crying is a great form of relief. “The clouds rain too when things get heavy.” We’re made of 70% percent water, that sounds rational to me.

Blaming others

No one in this world is perfect. You can’t pretend like your journey is more important than someone else’s. Okay, someone did you wrong. Perhaps bullied you in school. If you’re adults now. You got to accept the fact that maybe what they did had nothing to do with you and was solely based off their own insecurities or whatever they were going through. Let it go, holding on only hurts you.

Own it

I realized I needed to accept my faults and learn how to work on them. You can’t progress, especially if you’re not accepting of the challenges you have to face in life. Everything happens for a reason; and I’ve realized to take my experiences as lessons. It’s apart of my story, and that’s what makes me who I am.

Share your thoughts in the comments? #read #lifestyle #advice

Maintaining a Clean Space| With Little Ones | Everyday

I feel a whole lot better when I have a clean, clear environment. This pandemic is already stressful enough. I feel like the least I can do is have a space where I can unwhine and relax. I have two kids and sometimes having my home clean feels unrealistic. But I’ve figured out how to maintain it, even when we’re stuck inside with nothing else to do but make a mess.

Establish a routine

I have one day out of the week that I set for solely cleaning. Prior to the pandemic, I had this day set. No company, nothing just cleaning. It makes it easy for me to manage things the rest of the week; and this way I know what have been deeply cleaned. Like behind the fridge or under the stove.

Get them involved

My three year old loves to help mommy. Whether it’s washing dishes, cooking, laundry, she wants in! And i allow her to join the “fun.” Turn your daily chores into fun games that your kiddos will enjoy.

Take it a day at time

If you’re exhausted, be so, and embrace that feeling. Your body is telling you it’s time to relax. If you’re like me and hectic spaces make you feel uneasy, just tidy that space that you’re in until you feel better. Drink some soothing tea, play some of your favorite tunes or just do something to help you relax. There’s no need to force yourself to tidy, because for me I know I’m going to eventually do it.

Be kind to yourself, and take things as they come.

MARRIAGE AT 20

I married my high school sweetheart 5 years ago, at the age of 20. I will say, it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. Don’t get me wrong marriage is not easy, and it is definitely not for the faint of heart. You have to be willing to accept someone for who they are, and that’s the part where a lot of people get stuck. A lot of people are individualist, and are only willing to see the world from their own perspective. Your spouse is an individual just like you; and they will grow and blossom.

Growing up together

Watching each other grow up is a remarkable experience. Someone that was in school with you daily, you watch them become an adult; it happens relatively quick. You begin making executive decisions together, planning your life, setting goals. It’s all so fascinating, “You’re not the kid I dated in high school. You’re the man I married.”

Getting on your feet together

My husband and I dived into marriage, head first with no safety net. Young, naive, I for one, pretty much thought we had it figured out. Newsflash, no one does. We struggled hard, 5 years into it. We’re now at the point where we’re starting to get things under our control. We went bankrupt at 23, and I will admit that taught us discipline relatively quickly. Our question to anyone who said we were too young was, “What can we experience in this world that we can’t experience together?”  I’m 25 years old and have no regrets; that’s the most liberating feeling to have. You find out very quickly that all you really have is each other. You catch each other when you fall, and you guide each other when needed. 

Developing traits 

You and your spouse will develop new hobbies, habits, vices, and some  you won’t 100% accepting of. Personally, one vice my husband developed is cigarettes. It’s something that I don’t agree with. But marriage is compromise, he knows that I’m not a fan of it, and never smokes around me or our children. And now, he’s trying to quit. I wouldn’t say he’s doing it for me, but I will say whatever the reason may be, marriage is compromise.

Communication

You can tell someone how you feel as much as you want, but if they’re not receiving the information. It’s pretty much pointless. Delivery is very important, especially when you telling your spouse about your feelings. Have honest open-ended conversations, and make sure that you’re on the same page with other. I remember in the beginning, it always felt like we were never on the same page. The crazy part about it was most of the time we were, but our communication was so off that we could never find common ground. Use tact, and approach your spouse with love and encouragement. 

Marriage is work 

No one is perfect, and marriage will consist of communication, love, and respect. Especially if you’ve been together since you were in your adolescent years. You’re no longer children and the fantasies you wanted is pretty much reality now. “When I grow up I want to be this.” Remember saying that? Now this is the reality you’re in and you’re in it together. You have to support your spouse, even when they’re not 100% feeling about themselves, and vice versa. My husband supports me wholeheartedly with everything that I do, and that’s the best support system to have.

Anytime we have a goal, we make outline of it and we strive for it. In the beginning of our marriage, this was something that I struggled with. I was not very tactful, or encouraging. And that can break the strongest of people. You know how they say behind every great man is a great woman?” Well in the beginning I was not being that, and if you want your flowers to grow, you must water them.

Marriage is not for everyone, Some people get married for all the wrong reasons. Just to say they did it, or to follow a trend. Whatever the case may be. Marriage is not a game, not something to be taken lightly and done just for fun. Love is a feeling that should be mutual, and the best part of mine is that I know he loves me, unconditionally. Admitting your faults, negative traits, and flaws is hard. And in marriage you have to be willing to accept them; and constantly work on them. Everyday you have the opportunity to learn something new. Once you feel you know it all, you’re losing your purpose. Knowledge is infinite.

I married my best friend at the age of 20, and I will say it’s the best decision I ever made.

Being authentic in not so nice world


Honestly is the best form of respect. Well, I like to think so. Some people don’t have a honest bone in their body. Some people believe that bending the truth is okay. Some people, like myself, feel like you should be honest as you can all the time; especially with yourself.

When you’re having a spiritual awakening; you’ll see your flaws, toxic traits, and just the not so good side of yourself. It’s a ugly experience; but we must go through this to accept our part in this world.

Are you being true to yourself?

Most people can’t handle honesty. Direct communication comes off as disrespectful or rude. I only want people around me who are willing to have honest, open ended conversations with me. For me, I feel like this is a healthy way to communicate with each other; if people aren’t willing to communicate with you in a healthy way. They will naturally be filtered out of your life; and maybe that’s for the best. When you’re having direct communication with someone make sure you’re using tact, but being truthful. You don’t want to be offensive.

People clash, some people just don’t mix, like oil and water. And that’s okay, because there are people in this world who will gravitate towards, and appreciate your authenticity, and that’s all that matter.

I remember always being around people, that gave a gut feeling that they weren’t being authentic with me or even themselves. I’ll still stick around them and always tell what they wanted to hear just to avoid conflict; share my experiences with them. You know, how they say misery loves company? Just feeding in. That’s not authentic, and you’re waiting for a social disaster to happen. Misery loves company, and I’m not having visitors.

Once you start being truthful with yourself, and those around you, things will work in your favor. If they don’t like your authenticity, again they will be filtered out.

Life is what you make it, surround yourself with people who respect you as a individual. And things will get better for you. I hope this was a good read; share with your friends.


Florida Water | What is it? | Daily Uses

I love essential oils. They’re like adding the frosting on that perfectly baked cake. You can add them to your baths, homemade cleaning products, hair products, unscented lotions, etc. Florida water is a mix of essential oils which is…

• Alcohol

• Water

• Bergamot

• Neroli

• Lemon.

• Cloves.

• Cinnamon.

• Lavender.

• Rose and orange flower.

It has been around a very long time, over 200 years actually, and regained popularity when Solange carried it with her at the 2018 Met Gala. It’s not a toy, fashion piece or something to be played with either. She incorporates it in her daily life, and music.


I’m not one for following trends, and I knew of Florida Water because it’s amazing ingredients, and how I incorporate it with aromatherapy for my anxiety. I use it for everyday cleaning, baths, laundry, and massages in my home. They say, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” Essential oils are very concentrated and should not be used directly on the skin so I always dilute it with water before using it on the skin. It has a smell that may not be super appealing to some; but It was the citrus scent that got me. Here’s how I use it..

Laundry

When I do laundry I always add a few drops into my load, it is said to attract good videos, wash away negatively that may be lingering in your linens. Why not? If you’re having a bad day, and you could see all the negativity visibly sitting your clothes, you wouldn’t hesitate wash all that negativity off!

Cleaning

I’ve made a spray that I can spray directly onto my cloth furniture.

Half of Florida water bottle to 16 ounce bottle of water. I spray it like Febreeze on my couch, bed and just around the house like any air freshener. I also use this on surfaces just to give it a quick refresh after I’ve cleaned them with my other cleaning products.

Baths

The other day my hand was hurting so bad, I gathered vinegar, epsom salt, and a few drops of Florida Water to soak my hand in and it felt almost instantly better. Foot baths are also a good way to use it. I have not used in a full body bath; solely because we all know our lady parts are NOT very welcoming to perfumes and soaps.

Massage

I did a reiki healing massage on my husband after a long week of work. He said that it was very soothing, relaxing, and the smell is unisex. So anyone can enjoy the benefits from this amazing product.

Do research

There are a lot of spiritual uses for Florida Water. However, if you decide to incorporate this product in your life, you more than likely won’t be disappointed.

https://www.magicalomaha.com/blog/21-Ways-to-Use-Florida-Water-Cologne

Isn’t it amazing it was established in 1808 by Lanman & Kemp, and it’s still being manufactured by the original manufacturer today?

Let me know what you think. I hope this helps!

Discipline | My Toddler Won’t Listen | Tips & Advice

Getting our kids to listen or behave is arguably one of the hardest parts of parenting. (Besides massive mom guilt that sneaks up on you out of nowhere.) Here’s some advice…


“No one is perfect – that’s why pencils have erasers.”

Wolfgang Riebe

Distractions

When my child is screaming bloody murder and nothing I do seems to subside the fury. I always try to distract her from the issue. My oldest child is a Aries, and fire is in her nature. She will explode at the drop of a dime; especially when she can’t have something that she wants. But it’s our job to teach our children that they can’t always have every single thing that they want, right? (If that was the case, I’d be in a giant mansion sipping some iced coffee, by my private beach.) Goals right? Anyway, distracting your child while they’re throwing these fits and tantrums may be a great way to discipline them without much hassle. Your little one is learning to cope with their emotions, and surprisingly some adults are still learning to manage theirs as well. That’s why it’s important to use techniques that will help your child embrace their emotions; rather than suppress. Here’s a link for distraction techniques for adults.
https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-emotions-with-distraction-2797606

Time Out

This is pretty effective for my child. I would only recommend this approach for children no younger than 3 years of age and for no more than 5 minutes. I’ve discovered that my toddler is a mommy’s team player; she wants to be on mommy’s good side at all times. (Unless it’s time for a nap or bed.) She knows that if she did something naughty mommy won’t be happy with her. (This coincides with the early facial expressions and body language that I discussed that baby’s communicate very early on.) My daughter does not like being in timeout, and after effectively using this method, we’ve now established a look and tone that she knows will equal time out!

https://onlinewithtai.wordpress.com/2020/05/20/breastfeeding-the-pros-and-cons%f0%9f%a4%b1%f0%9f%8f%be/

Communication

Talk to your child. After all, they are little people that will one day become an adult just like you are right now. They’ll have the memories, morals, and discipline that you’ve instilled in them. And talking to them directly will help them build strong communication skills and learn how to trust you.

Corpal Punishment

This is always the last resort and honestly should not have to happen. Unless your child has deliberately defied you and put themselves in danger. (Even still the top three approaches can be effective before you feel you’ve reached this point.) You should never have a reason to inflict pain on your child to get them to “behave.” Remember, they have their own personality and they’re only learning how to cope with their emotions. And it your job to make them feel loved, safe, and secure. And please don’t say some kids need it, do you remember getting spanked for something that you even as a kid knew wasn’t deserving of it? If you answered yes, then there you have it.

We’re all in this together, and no one is perfect. There’s no handbook or guide on how to perfect parenting. This is my viewpoint and I hope this helps.

Breastfeeding|Pros and Cons🤱🏾

Here’s some of the pros and cons I’ve encountered while breastfeeding. I’m sharing this because I solely breastfed both of my children, and this could help moms who are exploring their options.

Little to no cleaning

No bottles, unless you’re pumping milk; there’s no bottles to clean up. Super easy, and convenient. Saves time in the kitchen, especially if you have older children that already create a ton of dishes.

No prep, just feed

No odd smell, I noticed that with formula it leaves an odd smell on baby’s breath. It probably bothers mama more than baby; but I noticed there’s no smell with breastfed babies. From time to time they’ll have a sour milk smell on their neck, but a nice bath will easily rid that odor!

Weight loss

You will burn calories like you’re at the gym. It depends on how often you’re nursing or pumping milk. You can lose up to 200-500 calories daily. That explains the intense hunger I went over in this video.

Milk neck

Is that a thing? I don’t know, but it seems like when babies are teething they drool A LOT and it leaves a sour milk smell on their neck. It happens with breastfeeding, but it’s not as much. It an also cause a rash around your baby’s neck if it it isn’t dried and cleaned off properly.

Hard to wean

If your baby/toddler isn’t ready, they will put up a fight! I breastfed my first child for 2 and a half years and this little girl was not ready at all. I tried everything to wean her. I was about 6 months pregnant when I ran out of milk. It happened gradually, I started nursing her only twice a day and whilst incorporating The Band-aid Method to encourage my child that enough was enough. But instead my milk just stopped producing, she wasn’t happy for the first few days but got over it and opted with lactose free nonfat milk.

Baby is clingy

This is a blessing and a curse because it’s so adorable; it allows you to feel the all the love you know your baby has for you, but it can also be a nuisance when your baby only wants you and no one else.

Baby will refuse bottles sometimes

I sometimes I have to run errands without my baby and I would pump bottles for her and she will not take them. She refuses them because she’s used to solely nursing. So unless you alternate between bottle breast milk and direct latch feeding. Your baby may show you his/her preference relatively quick.

Biting

Once they start teething they will start using you as a chew toy. And it will hurt, but I’ve learned to take it away from baby and give her a sad face. It seems like babies communicate through body language and facial expressions. They’ll eventually stop doing it. This approach worked well with my first one quickly. She only painfully bit me four times, I believe. They will bite you a lot but it won’t hurt every time.

There you have it, is breastfeeding for you? If you have any questions on how to get started or even to just keep going. Respond to this in the comments! Share with your friends, and I hope this is helpful.

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